Hi. Update on me, I guess, though most of you who watch know me in IRL already know all this.

My grandfather died just last week. I am in fact at my grandmother's right now - we're all taking turns spending the night here, so she won't have to be alone for awhile. To lots of people, this might not seem that weighty of a grief, but for me it is. I didn't have grandparents that lived in a distant state 6-hours away, who I only saw on holidays and sent me money on my birthdays. My grandparents were (are) a part of my everyday life; they live less then ten minutes away and are involved in /everything/. We in fact JUST came back home from our regular Sunday dinner with him when it happened. It was completely unexpected. Well, my grandpa had heart problems, but he was holding up really well this year. We were even just talking that evening about how great his health was holding up this year, and how this spring we didn't have to go to the hospital and blahblahblah.

But about 30 minutes after we got home, I hear from my sister that mom just got a phone call from Mema, saying that my pop had collapsed, was unconscious, and the paramedics were at the house.

When I heard this I knew, deep inside, I knew it would be the last hospital trip. But I absolutely refused to believe it.

Waiting was the absolute worst. I was talking online to Kat at the time, and we assured myself he was going to be okay. She offered to RP with me as a distraction, and as time went on it worked - I was really, truly convinced everything was going to be OK.

Needless to say, everything was not. We got a phone call, my father told me, and I officially felt my world collapse

It still feels very unreal; I feel like he's just away on a business trip or something, and that he'll be back shortly and take his place again on his giant reclining chair in front of his giant TV with the volume all the way up, playing his Sodoku puzzle. (He friggin loved that Sodoku) I'm on his PC now, and I feel like at any given moment he's going to come in and rummage through his drawers, ask me how I'm doing. I've seen and wept over his body at the wake, been at his funeral, and still I feel this way.

I miss him so friggin much. He really loved me so much, and was proud of literally every little shit I did.

In reflection, it was really not the worst death you can ask for. He died before the paramedics could get there, at home, in my grandmother's arms. It was more than likely very painless. His defibulator did not go off, which in hindsight is good because when it does my grandfather said it is HORRIBLY painful. As I said, we had just left the house and we had a fantastic dinner. We ate outside and it was gorgeous. His birthday was in two days, so we celebrated it along with my dad's (whose was that day). We ate Korean cake and gave him his presents. Not a horrible last day at all.

In any case, that night made the night before look good, when I came down with a fever Fairy Tale Ball, where I was supposed to be their "princess". The fever is now gone, but I have this obnoxious lingering cough. I've probably gotten at least half the people at the wake and funeral sick, which I'm sure they appreciate. -_-;

So, needless to say, lately I've kind of been a bit of a walking shitshow. Thanks to my dear friends who have been there for me - whether in person or via the internet.

My work has been kind of been put off a bit (meaning my writing), but I'm starting to get more back into it now that I have time. (Also, fabulous form of distraction. *snappoint*) I'm still working on that birthday fic for (haha over 5000 words now wut) and a Ferngully fic for , though I doubt it will ever be amazing enough for her Unending Awesome. Also finishing up the third chapter of BS, among other things.

Well, off to go take a shower. Do have work today. (Luckily only 3 -6, THANK GOD. Argh, but that's a whole other... entry.) Again, thank you all for your support and love, and thanks for bearing with me through my... shitshowness.



Sayo Kitsu

[link]

I think I'm hella witty. Then I wonder why I have a C+ in that class.

it's my birfday.

lavish me with the attentions.

I'll get around to the one I was actually tagged for later.

From

1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into the dA search box
3) Take a deviation from the first page of results (may use ' popular' or 'newest' ) and post thumb (for subscribers) or link (non-subscribers)
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you
I am adding a new rule, and saying that you have to go check out all the art, because it comes from some pretty cool people!

1. The age you will be on your next birthday

[link]

2. A place you'd like to travel
[link]
/
3. Your favorite place
[link]

4. Your favorite object
[link]

5. Favorite food
[link]

6. Your favorite animal
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7. Your favorite color
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8. The town/state/etc in which you live
[link]

9. Name of past pet
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10. A dream come true
[link]

(SHUT THE HELL UP XD)

11. Your nickname/screenname
[link]

(OMG! The pic Cyn drew for me a million years ago! On the front page when I type that in! XD)

12. Middle name
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13. Favorite Smell
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14. Bad habit of yours
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15. Your first job
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16. Favourite Movie
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17. What are you doing right now?
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18. Whats The Weather Like?
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19. Favourite Sport
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20. Favourite Music/Style/Band
[link]

DEAL WITH IT.